Portions for Foxes

Turning spiralling negative thoughts into an appreciation of the journey to get here

Currently feeling less than 100% with a sore throat these past couple days, like I’m only a small portion of my normal self. Whenever I’m in this space, it causes much reflection on life and allows me to step back and look at how my time is spent.

I ask myself, “What are you missing out on right now? What do you wish you could be doing?” I then take that answer and use it as a reminder to not only pursue those things more heavily when I am well, but to not take advantage of the fact that I am able to do these things in good health normally.

Given that high intensity exercise is out of the question at the moment, I went for a walk around the neighbourhood yesterday morning after a bit of a sleep in to get some fresh air and get the body and legs moving. On this particular walk, as I was asking myself the questions above, I couldn’t help but feel this initial feeling of disappointment in myself.

Disappointed the restaurant failed. Disappointed things at the warehouse worked out the way they did. Disappointed I never fully raced bikes again. Disappointed that my music career ended the way it did. Disappointed that I feel stuck and unmotivated to pursue things to a higher level.

If I allow myself to catch onto these thoughts, I can let them spiral and I end up convincing myself that I’ve missed out on so much in my life. This is not a great place to be and it often leads to a day spent in my head wondering what I’m doing with my life.

But yesterday was different.

I was able to catch these thoughts and, after allowing them to stew in my head for a little bit, turn them into more meaningful and positive ones.

Because had everything worked out the way I wanted them to, I wouldn’t be here in Australia. I wouldn’t be experiencing this new country and putting my future generations on a new path. I wouldn’t have met the love of my life and been able to share this crazy thing called life with her. I wouldn’t have found this new direction and meaning for coaching.

I also must allow myself to see that, because everything didn’t work out the way I had planned, I have actually experienced more life in the last six years. I’ve seen more of the US in that time, I’ve moved countries, I moved states, I accomplished some pretty great and random and crazy things. If anything, I should be proud that in the last six years I have fit so much in my life experiences. As for music, I may not be at the level I once was, but I have such an appreciation and love for music that will be with me forever. I also can’t say if I would have made my health a priority had I stuck to dedicating my life and focus to music, which is such a huge part of my life now.

All this to say: Our lives belong to us, but that doesn’t mean the timeline does. There is more to the fabric of our being than what we see and what we hope to happen. We can influence and we can create and we can manifest in alignment with the Universe, but we are not able to dictate the timeline if the Universe does not have us on the timeline we seek.

Everything I have experienced in my life has brought me to this moment, writing these words; Just as they have brought you to now this moment reading them. The events that have brought me here may have sentimental value attached to them and they may have shaped me to be the person I am today, but clearly not everything (or everyone) was meant to stay. And there’s a sense of relief in knowing that is a part of life and that it’s okay to let those things go.

Sure, we can always hope that things worked out differently than they did or that things worked out better (notice how we never hope things worked out worse?), but those thoughts don’t help us ground ourselves in the present moment. They don’t help us be grateful for what we have and fully appreciate what it is we have been through or accomplished to get us to where we are.

So give yourself some credit today, and look around you and appreciate and highlight all that you have done and gone through to bring you to this moment right now. Because even if you aren’t where you wish you were, you being here means there’s still opportunity for you to make the most of this thing called life.